I Didn’t Know I’d be a Perfect Mom.
I had no idea I’d be an absolute perfect mom. Someone hand me my crown…how did I nail this so quickly?
Adorned with the perfect messy bun, perfect comfortable leggings and a perfectly spit up soaked tee….Damn I’m good.
Sleepless nights? Nailed it. Endless worry? Piece of cake. Constant self doubt? Been a master my whole life. Messy house? DONE. I couldn’t have fallen into this role easier if I tried……
Ok, but really….As our baby boy sleeps in the other room, and I’m covered in milk, stress and tired eyes, I can’t help but reflect on the last few years.
It’s been a journey.
There was a day {not so} long ago when I didn’t think I wanted kids. Not because I didn’t love kids, or didn’t think my husband-to-be would be a great dad, but because I struggled to see myself as a mom. I had a one track mind on building my business. Not to mention, my own mother who I would have looked to for help, had passed away several years earlier. I just couldn’t see how kids would really fit into the big picture. There simply wasn’t room.
Who would help us? How could I possibly take care of a tiny human who needed me day and night AND be a green, fresh-faced sole proprietor? How could I possibly let go of the current version of myself?…..Questions and worries with no answers. But as time often does, it urges and sways you into a direction: Go big or go home. Do or die. Now or never. And it was indeed, now or never.
I did so much research on parenting while I was pregnant. Half of the articles mentioned the impending doom of chaos motherhood inevitably brings, while the other half boasted how motherhood was their truest, easiest calling. Yikes! Which one would I end up being? After hours of reading I just tried convincing myself that I (and we) were somewhat prepared.
But what no one seemed to mention was the natural balance of all the things; That just like falling into the love, the chaos will come wonderfully and naturally, too. “Hard and stressful” would be carefully and methodically co-existing with the crazy amount of love flooding your soul over this tiny being. It would never just be one or the other, or even an obvious back and forth through the day. It would be an ecosystem quietly working together everyday;. And the days would still come one at a time.
Graysen & Jen, 2023
Jen & Michele, 1990
It suddenly came over me that when the Bible repeats over and over that “Love Conquers All” it was referring to motherhood, too. Not that some days won’t be more difficult than others, but the love for your little one will naturally balance out and remove the stress and hardships. Damn….what a PERFECT design God has made.
Suddenly my “big picture” from before seemed so small; And I didn’t even realize that in all those years of simply loving me, my mother had already showed me everything I needed to know to be a mom. Love conquers it all: That is the beautiful design of Motherhood. I AM a perfect mom….a perfect mom by simply loving. ❤
______________________
Wishing all you Mamas & Mama-like Figures a Happy Mother’s Day!
xo - Jen, Noel Photography and Design